"baka hindi kayo bestfriends."
"hindi na niya kailangan ma-appreciate."
two of the lines that he said when i asked him about my problem whether to go or not into a dummy bestfriend's party. i hate it. at first i was so excited as in to the tenth level but eventually, it fluctuates. at first i thought he was just being unjust with his conclusion slash advice to me when he said that i SHOULD not go to the party, or else..something worse will happen..i was in the state of super confusement when i finally convinced myself not to go there because millions of people said so..and with my own judgment, i think i'll just make things worse if i'll come. my presence being there is like having a girl in a guy's restroom. its like that. maybe if i didnt follow those people (especially him) of not going there, im not sure if i'll be able to update my blog and i wonder if i could still enjoy life after that day. its like that .maybe i'll just feel out of place or worse, those people will treat me as bad as they could just to send me off in their place. thank God i didnt come. thank God i listened to him. and i really thanked God for not letting those things to happen but instead, made me realize that its really better to just stay in our house and chill there than suffer for being "extrafriendly"..
" that was the best one minute conversation of my life"
stupidity.its not.neither have i enjoyed that conversation..yeah call me bitter but maybe i was just being so excited having the thought of us talking, again.. i wasnt that happy,or maybe i'm happy to experience the toe curling,lip biting, fast heartbeats whenever we talk. not to mention the thrill of being caught of using the phone and using another name just to call and greet that person a happy birthday. i thought it was just like that. i was just in love of the thought of having the chance to talk to that person again after some jurassic years. i hate it..
"baka hindi kayo bestfriends"
that line never left my mind. if only i could explain to him that we are not really bestfriends. that person asked for the "bestfriend" relationship. as we all know its not like that. i wasnt convinced at all that we are bestfriends. well, i dont really care. i have my own life now and i dont give a damn thinking about what we really are right now. who cares anyway? well, if only i could tell him that we are not really bestfriends, and i even wonder if that person considers me as a friend. well, who cares? neither i.
"hindi na niya kailangan ma-appreciate"
"hindi ako sanay na gumawa ng bagay na hindi binigyan ng malaking effort"
oh well, i think i'll just listen to him, hindi na nga siguro niya kailangan ma-appreciate ,,kasi for what pa di ba?? no matter what, kung friend nya ko, maa-appreciate n niya ung greeting ko.. and the surprise something i have planned last night (with ayr),,i'll just forget about it.. hindi na niya kailangan ma-appreciate. and yet, i wont waste my time doing that stupid something just for that person who never really bothered to care. i hate it. and with regards the group messages that i've sent and that oi *name nya* that caused that "bakit mo pa tntxt si *churva*?" i hate you. is it prohibited to text you??. damn. i wont text you any more. i swear, i promise to God. you never failed to give me a problem. and now, i'm so bothered again because of that message that i received from an anonymous texter. whoever that texter is, live your own life. i dont care about that someone anymore. i dont get you. maybe im guilty for being extra friendly but this time, when i texted that someone, i was just going to ask about something. and i hate it being blamed to be running after that person. magtae kayo sa shorts niyo. live your own life guys. live me alone.
" dapat alm niya."
he said again regarding the possibility of me, migrating to the states. so tell me how the hell am i going to tell that person that, "hey, im leaving" if with only "oi *churva*" text message, someone reacted so violently??well, if the time comes that i'll leave without that person knowing, im not the one to blame and that person dont have the right to get mad at me because i tried all possible ways to extend my arm and offer the friendship that we are supposed to have. well, i think im not the one to be blamed. neither that person. but maybe, the super-to-the-nth-power-pakialamera-unknown-texter who texted me.
"i wont text you anymore,unless you texted first."
"hindi na kita gusto i-chever ulit kaya pagsabihan mo mga tao sa paligid mo na wag mag-feeling."
my life is better without you, but im trying my best to still include you in it because no matter what, you'll still be a part of me, or should i say you'll always be a part of me. i wasnt able to find someone to replace you but i already have someone to make me smile each morning i wake up. i think i dont have to find someone to replace you, because you'll never be replaced. whatever we've shared were just part of the past and im glad to say i've already let go of it without you being replaced. and sorry for not being there in your party, i just thought i wasnt suppposed to go there .i dont belong. and if ever by any chance you'll get to read this, i just want you to know that there are really certain things in our life that we have to let go and leave behind. too sorry to tell you that youre one of those. i just have to leave you behind because having you as baggage never gave me the chance to be happy and enjoy my life. i hope you understand. and as what you have claimed before that now, were only friends, no one would put a wall between us, i'll prove you wrong. because those baggages of the past still haunts me. especially those ma-epal people in our lives. i hate it. i have already let you go and now, im leaving you behind.
Goodbye..
